LIFE SUX!
LIFE IS ALWAYS SO UNFAIR!
damn my fucked up life...
i hate all of u..
bitches, bastards, liars, idiots puttin on a facade. RAR! curse u all!

ok i'm sorry i had to use those words. BUT I'M JUZ TOO PISSED.
if u dun lyk wad u're seeing, den SCRAM, CLOSE THE WINDOW U IDIOT!

y does my life always haf to b the BORING n GEEKish 1... the 1 tt is DULL n NEVER colourful. it's juz unfair... POOR SOCIAL SKILLS.. NO MONEY. NO BRAINS. NO LOOKS. NO COURAGE. NO NOTHING. u get the pt here? i'm juz a USELESS & UNWANTED piece of live flesh. hu'd even care bout my existence man... GOSH DAMN JUZ BURN EARTH DOWN! kill the world!!! RAR!!!

I HATE YOU
I HATE HIM
I HATE HER
I HATE THEM
I HATE MYSELF!


i'm so pissed... grrr....
wad shud i do?
haix... life is juz so complicated...

lately, there haf been issues within the family bout life n death... aft THAT incident, there was juz so much discussion..
as we all know, life is so fragile n unpredictable. hu noes wad might happen in the next second. juz lyk recently in the papers, a boy died in his slp n couldn't wake up to celebrate his bdae on the nx day. n tis boy had no illness or medical history. it's juz shockin to noe such unpredictable tings can happen... it's juz lyk sum1 hangin out wif u, n the next moment he's gone frm tis world... it juz comes so suddenly.. lyk *clap*, n he/she is gone... haix..

so here's a big thank you to all u ppl hu haf been a part of my life.
THANK YOU!!! =D
i wouldn't noe when i'll get the chance to say tis personally. i might juz die the nx second. =S

carrying on...
as i stated in my previous post, i haf been spending $$$ n stuff.. well my rationale behind it is to enjoy while i can. i dun wanna die (for example tml) wif regrets tt my wardrobe is totally limited n horrible.. yea yea.. den it all comes down to terms of $$$.. WASTING money on WANTS.. but it's the WANTS tt satisfies a psn further than NEEDs..
in terms of money...
satisfaction vs practicality.
i'll choose satisfaction. i'd rather enjoy life n die happily than live long in "boredom".

BUT...
in terms of actions...
personal satisfaction vs realistic outcomes.
now tis is the headache.. haix..
certain tings can b done easily, but certain others cannot. being caught in the situation where u r stuck, n knowin there's no perfect way out, tt's a difficult ting...
to speak of it or not? speak of it n for tt very moment i noe i haf cleared sumting of my chest. but resulting in such a terrible outcome tt i regret opening my mouth in the 1st place. however, if i juz kp mum, life would turn out much normal n beta. n i'll haf to suffer the agony of not being able to fully express myself.
to do it or not? carryin out tt action may juz bring so much satisfaction to myself, knowing tt i haf done wad i wanted to, but causing others to b hurt. then, i wont b able to live pass tt very day. IF i juz restrict myself, evryting will turn out fine.. or at least evryting OUTSIDE ME will turn out fine.

wad should i do?

if only decisions were easy to make.
if only life was tt simple...



i'd like to give YOU a big hug n whisper "thanks" into ur ears. =)
SPENDING MONEY IS FUN N RELAXING! =D
whoopee!!!

well... haf been spending money buyin clothes for the these 2 days.. n it's juz so SHUANG.. wahahaha... XD



well i've gotta b honest.. but YOU seriously appeal to me so much tt i feel tis unknown happiness out of nowhere.
=D
sumhow i was bloghoppin n came across these touching stories...


I Believe You Trailer

Extracted from Chapter 17:
Someone once told me the longest wait is not created by the amount of time passed, but by your mind.

I was sitting beside Jacky, peeling another apple. He could not eat, for he would be undergoing the surgery in an hour's time. I took a bite out of my apple and understood why he was so keen on eating these apples: The taste was a balanced combination of sweet and sour.

Jacky smiled, as if he was reading my mind. His face was an obvious victim of cancer: His bright and round eyes had veins snaking around. He must have lost at least three kilograms within this week.

"One more hour." He whispered. Or maybe he was shouting. That was his loudest voice.

"One more hour." I replied.

And so, we spent the next thirty minutes chatting about anything and everything. He told me about his mother, and I thanked him for bringing my grandmother back into my life.

"I didn't do much. She was always beside you. You just didn't notice her till now."

As usual, he was that modest. Suddenly, he asked, "Can I hold your hand?"

I blushed and did not reply. However, my right hand automatically reached for him. And then we locked our hands.

"Wait for me, okay?"

I nodded.

"I'll be back. So don't you run off! I'm still the sun, shining on you, the flower. I'll be back once the cloud moves away. Wait, just wait, okay?"

I turned my head to prevent him from seeing my teary eyes. A nurse came in, and for that moment I wanted to yell unlimited curses at the nurse. But I stopped myself and turned to Jacky.

"Hello, you'd better come back. Even if you're in hell or heaven, or any other place, you'd better come back here. Because I'll..." I could not continue. I paused, gave myself a breather, and said, "I'll be here, waiting for you."

He let go of my hand and used a finger to poke my hand. It was his last finger, intimating me to shake it. I held out my last finger as well and we locked finger, shaking up and down.

"I promise."

"I promise too."

And as he was wheeled off, I experienced the longest wait in my life.

Extracted from Chapter 18:
I took in a deep long breath but I did not exhale. My hands were glued to the sides of the chair.
"Well, Joanna, I don't know whether you're the luckiest, or the most unlucky girl in the world."
I cried, and I forgot when I stopped crying.

Extracted from Chapter 19:
If I had one of the abilities of God, I would have chosen to relive my past, and slowly, tenderly, treasuring every single hour, minute and second with you. Every single moment with you.
But it was too late. All too late.

Extracted from Chapter 20:
My grandmother had passed away peacefully two weeks before my A Levels. Initially, when I saw her lying on the sofa, I thought she was just resting. I went forward, wanting to wake her up. It was then I realized she was smiling but her eyes were closed.

well.. u can get more of the story frm http://www.goodybooks.com/ibelieveyou.htm.. but the last 3 chapters r juz short extracts(juz the 1 i typed, tt's all). gotta purchase the book to find out.. =_=

--------------------------------------------------

the next story is totally abt the relationship of a daughter n her mother.. well i feel tt tis is a much more touching story than "i believe you", but tt's juz my opinion.

Journey Trailer

Extract from Chapter 12:
I met Khim at the McCafe beside Lido. I could not recognize her; it was she who recognized me. When I reached the cafe, she waved at me. She had red rosy cheeks and a slim figure. Her complexion was flawless. If I were to guess her age, it would be twenty-five.

After I had ordered my coffee, I said, "What is it about?"

Khim was stirring her cappuccino. "I am a volunteer with Hospice Care."

"I know that."

She licked her lips with her tongue. Somehow, she sounded strange, as if the hot coffee had somehow altered her voice. "I'm not supposed to do this. I mean, meeting a patient's daughter privately. But it's all for your mother's own good, so I hope you'll not tell Hospice Care about this."

I nodded. She could talk all she wanted. Even if I were to go back to my office, I would be wasting my time surfing the internet.

"Well, your mother had told me about the complex relationship she had with you. And of course, that is from her point of view. Elle, I want to hear the story from your point of view."

I had not expected that. I thought she was here just to tell me about my mother's condition. I plucked out a cigarette stick from my cigarette box and lit it. That might be able to scare her off. "I don't wanna talk about that." I said, inhaled and exhaled the smoke off my lungs.

Khim reached for the stick on my hand, snatched it from me and doused it. I widened my eyes. She then took the cigarette box from the table and dropped it on the ground.

"She’s your mother." She said, her eyes on me. "And you're her daughter."

I stood up.

"I don't like to go back empty-handed."

"It's between us, Miss Khim. Nope of your bloody hell business. You don't stick your nose-"

"Elle!" Khim lowered her eyebrows and bit her teeth. When she did that, the rosy cheek disappeared and her dimples curved out. "Your mother is dying. Both you and I know that. Do you want her to leave this world with a memory of regret? Do you know how painful that feels? There"re only three to six months left. Don't you want to make things right again? You have a chance, Elle, to take things right again. Don't make a mistake now. Do it now; not tomorrow! When is the last time you thank your mother for everything that she had done for you?"

I lowered my head. The box of cigarette had landed near Khim’s shoes. I then closed my eyes.

"What do you want to know?" I said and sat down.

"Everything. From the time you were born till today."

"What did my mother tell you?"

"I'm not going to tell you that. I need the story from different points of view. One from your mother, and one from you. I had promised her that I will never tell anyone what she had just told me. Elle, everything you say now will be kept between you and me only. I promise you that."

I lowered my chin to my neck and then started to tell her about the story between my mother and me: From the day when she caned me for stealing biscuits in the kitchen to the day when I left the house – and her - in anger.

Extracted from Chapter 13:
I counted the number of wet serviettes on the table. There were six of them. By then, Khim was already walking off. I did not even know her contact number. I did not bother to catch up with her. I pitched the area between my eyes, draped my elbows on the table and fell into deep thoughts.
"Three seconds of words in exchange for three months of happiness."

Extracted from Chapter 16:
"Sometimes, you've got to think from different points of view to be happy. A guy who takes the MRT to work everyday keeps on complaining that whenever he sits on the seat, the people beside him squeeze him with their shoulders. He is so annoyed at that that he will always frown whenever he takes the MRT. Maybe he'll be a happier person if he thinks that his shoulders are broad, instead of thinking that the people who take the MRT are inconsiderate?"

Extracted from Chapter 21:
"Weird world, isn't it? We always seem to forget what our mothers had done for us, and tend to remember what our mothers had not done for us."

Extracted from Chapter 24:
When I was drawing her left shoulder, I saw the numerous bruises on her forehand. When I was young, I would complain to my mother of any pain in my body. When I was young, I would tell my mother the moment I did not feel well. When I was young, I would ask my mother for money when I needed to see a doctor.
And now, had she complained a single word about her suffering? Is that how life works? A mother will always take care of her child? Has a child ever taken care of his or her mother?


n agn... more of the story at http://www.goodybooks.com/journey.htm.. however, they only give 12 chapters out of the total 25.. u'll hafta purchase the book to noe the full ending of the story.. thou it's only 12 chapters, it's still worth reading, seriously...




life is short. treasure the people ard u...
juz sumting VERY RANDOM... x)

PHOTOBLOGGING IS damn freakin SUPER COOL!

as the saying goes...
a picture speaks a thousand words.
=D


i juz hope it's true, no matter how long it lasts...
i revived the tagboard!!! check it out!
n DO TAG! but no SPAMMING pls.
thnx. =)


perhaps u failed to realize it might haf been a deliberate ting, a test to truly find out where i stand in ur life.


forever the "BAD GUY".
so totally not my intention.
SALSA!!! coolness!

World Salsa Championship

2005 World Salsa Championships - Oliver Pineda & Luda Kroiter
totally LOVE their footwork, esp the fast parts. n Luda's(the female) costume is cool! x)

World Salsa Championship

2005 World Salsa Championships - Junior & Emily Alabi
amazing spins n twirls... movements r SO precise & connected to the music. n their ending pose is lyk wth, CHIO can. xD

World Salsa Championship

On1 Division - USA (Abel & Zulmara)
O.o did u juz c tt? spinning at its peak sia... x) great poses n nice connection of movements to the music. n their ending pose... shows so much connection between both of em..

World Salsa Championship

On1 Division - Mexico (Joel & Erika)
like their flexibility in the movements.. n the spinning of Erika between Joel's legs. tt muz b difficult. hmm.. jumpy music + a fun interpretation of the music. lol. thou i feel tt they both lack connection between each other.. =X

Salsa

some salsa comptition. lol.
totally poor camera skills.. love their costume, tt's all... esp their shoes.. xP


i'm sorry but i believe i belong to the "HATED & UNWANTED" section?
it's juz 1 of those days where u feel lyk the idiot hu spoils evry1 else's day.
it totally sux! nah.. i totally suck!

damnit!



if i had to categorize, i'd categorize u under a NEED.
Feet of Flames - Confrontation and Spirit Stuff



Riverdance Trading Taps



RD End clip 1

it's juz those times which u feel so desperate n there seems to b no1 out there hu's willing to listen. n wad if there was. no1 few see things frm my point of view.. well wad more can i say.. u(yes u, the 1 reading it now) won't understand me either.. it's the jumbled up emotions of frustration, anger, sadness, disgust, desperation n helplessness.

even thou i noe i shudn't show tis weak side to any1, but i m stiu human afterall. so wad if i shud appear strong on the outside? there's alwaes the soft n weak internal me hu really feels so lost at times, n there's no denial to it.. haix...

those sacrifices made.. will i really look back one day n realise it's actually worth it?



Catch Me When I Fall by Ashlee Simpson

Is anybody out there
Does anybody see
That when the lights are off
Something's killing me

I know it seems like people care
Cause they're always around me
But when the day is done and everybody runs

Who will be the one to save me from myself
Who will be the one who's there
And not ashamed to see me crawl
Who's gonna catch me when I fall

When the show is over
And it's empty everywhere
It's so hard to face going back alone
So I walk around the city
Anything, anything to clear my head
I've got nowhere to go nowhere but home

Who will be the one to save me from myself
Who will be the one who's there
And not ashamed to see me crawl
Who's gonna catch me when I fall

It may seem I have everything
But everything means nothing
When the ride that you've been on
That you're coming off
Leaves you feeling lost

Is anybody out there
Does anyobdy see
That sometimes loneliness is just a part of me

Who will be the one to save me from myself
Who will be the one who's there
And not ashamed to see me crawl
Who's gonna catch me when I fall
Who's gonna catch me when I fall
Who's gonna catch me when I fall
And not ashamed to see me crawl
Who's gonna catch me when I fall



i'm tryin so hard, but still i'm losing u...
"10% luck
20% skill
15% concentrated power of will
5% pleasure
50% pain"


work hard n endure peepx! ;)



stop tis temporary shit, will ya?
FYI, i feel tt u r CHEATING on me.
"Oh Oh
I'm walking a tightrope
Between who I love and what I know
Oh Oh
I'm watching the sharks lick their lips
As they circle far below..."
- Tightrope by Stephanie McIntosh


dreaming seems to b the only solution...
i shouted AGAIN... haix...
it's really hard to not lose my temper, but i guess i'll hafta try harder...

it's not tt i lyk to shout.. but tt seems lyk the fastest n most efficient way to kp ppl quiet. haix.. i really really dun wish to repeat my mistake agn. i'm so sorry ppl....


n thnx to liting for the heartwarming talk AGAIN. =)

here's the valuable quote i learnt today:
"if u fail to plan, u plan to fail."
- wong li ting

ain't it juz cool? lol.
it's VERY meaningful wif loads of educational purpose. ;)


planning of grad nite totally sux!




it's priceless, right?
exams r over! =D

ok. we slacked aft the last paper. den we played badminton for ard 2hrs 4omins. yep. tt's all, summarised. =)


"I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you"
- Hurt by Christina Aguilera



forgotten.
is tt the label u put on me?
tml's the LAST paper... whoopee! =D

today's papers were done rather badly. shan't tok bout it. it's juz depressing. =(
BUT... at least CHINESE is OVER! WAHAHAHAx.... XD

ok so tml's Emaths. n yep. ONLY Emaths for me & alot other sec3s too. coz 2nd paper is music/art. isn't is juz GREAT? heeheehee. x) i feel so evil... the poor lower sec peepx hafta go thru a 2nd paper n i can juz go P-A-R-T-Y at 10am!

ok wadeva... i mean lyk it's a big deal tt the exams r over. so totally HUGE thing.. coz then all the disgusting WORK will come tumblin in. oh man... post-exam activities, grad day, grad nite, bonding camp, cca stuff.... oh gosh.. juz murder me! x.X

guess i'll hafta relax to the fullest tml.. i've gotta make use of tt time well.. xD



"I'm beautifully broken and I don't mind if you know it
I'm beautifully broken and I don't care if I show it"
- Beautifully Broken by Ashlee Simpson



is it juz paranoia? or is it really happening?
wad a not at all WONDERFUL day.

tml's the worst exam day EVER... tt difficult-to-understand CHEMISTRY & n ever-so-disgusting higher CHINESE... it totally SUCKS irks me..

gonna spend the whole nite reading chem.. n juz totally neglect chinese. =X damn! but i dun wanna go for hcl bridging. oh man...
o wadeva.. i'm not gonna care. dumb chem.. so freakin hard to understand. RAR!



i'll hold u tight n nv let u go.
if tt's possible...
horrible haze... causing my eyes to ache n minor breathing difficulty.

lantern fest. my lunar burfdae. usually spent it with a mooncake as a "birthday cake". LOL. but not tis yr. tis yr's lantern/mooncake fest was wif ASG. =D

played wif lanterns n had dinner tgt. it could haf been perfect, but the haze ruined it all. =(
but nevertheless, it was GREAT! =)


eng, chem, hcl & emaths left nx wk. den it's time to DIE.
o wadeva!



i wish i could tell u everyting...
shot by the 1st 2 arrows... 9 more to go... n i DIE.

lemme c...
1st paper was SOCIAL STUDIES. 1 of the killer subjects to me. so the dumb me decided to do SEQ 1st... n ended up spending 1 hour on it. o juz great rite. n tt DECONTEXTUALISED SBQs.. was so pek tt i spent 15mins of my remaining 30mins to understand the background info... outcome: complete 1A, wrote 3 lines for 1B & HUGE BLANKS for 1C n D. haix... sure goner... thou i alwaes haf been failing ss, i dun wanna fail tis! (got bridging can... RAR!)

2nd was bio... paper 1 ended quite well. but paper 2 was so screwed messed up. according to instructions... it was ADVISED tt we spent 45mins on sect A n 1hr on sect B. but in the end i did the reverse... meaning tt i had not enuf time to finish sect B. tt dumb thermostat qns... i too stupid to understand le, in the end wasted so much time on tt... it juz sucked. =X


hall was VERY cold. i froze inside. no jacket ma.
=_=


tml's Amaths. tt means i've gotta slp early tonite. yep! XD



wad insignificance...
i totally hate it.
ok FREAKY... tings ard the hse r getting spoilt. n it's lyk within a month. o.O ok.. it's juz creepy to me...

1st. TV
it spoilt, sumhow n so we had to get a new 1. (which is the current LCD 1 XD)

2nd. doorbell
i'm not very sure if it's spoilt or the batteries were flat, but it juz had to b changed. LOL. yep so we got a new n NOISY doorbell. x)

3rd. kitchen lights
it juz died. no elaboration needed la... it's so COMMON.

4th. parents' water bed
a hole juz appeared for no reason on sat nite. mayb it burst? XD so sum smelly water(lazy to treat the water ma..) came gushing out of that approx. 7cm slit. it was hell, trust me. imagine water flowing out so fast la... n tt's not the worse... the worse ting is tt it's a queen size bed... imagine how many litres to "drain out".

5th. main door
TODAY, when i came home, i tried to open the door. so i inserted my keys in n tried to unlock the door. but apparently i could turn the keys forever n nth happened... =_= ok conclusion: it's SPOILT la! so my dad's tryin to fix it... but according to him it's too complicated... meaning no lock tonite. O.O but nvm... got 2 latches. =)

so u c... so many tings in such a short time.. THAT IS FREAKY...



if only i could...
i would dance to a never-ending song...