looked thru other ppl's blog juz now... n had weird feelings running thru my mind...
it was 2 different n distinct tings...

firstly...
it was tis very weird feeling... depressing mayb... but not exactly. it was tis feeling of envy, jealousy, n also bit of sadness...
as i read thru the entries, i understood the lives of others, n their viewpoint. to me, it's juz amazing how optimistic ppl can b... all the happiness in their eyes... n for sum, it was a fact tt their lives were really a bright one.

all the words juz sorta make me feel... jealous... to c them write all the nice tings in their blog. to understand how beautiful their lives can b sometimes, wif frenz by their sides... how i wish mine could b lyk theirs. n others, i was juz envious of their style of writing n their command of english. to b able to write out a paragragh lyk tt is juz impressive...

it's tis weird feeling of jealousy tt runs thru me at first... den, i wuld look at myself, n c how pathetic i m.. to know tt i can nv b compared to them, it's juz depressing...

2ndly,
i finally understood myself. to realize tt i was nv me...

yes, i m not hu i m, but sum1 else, sum1 i desire to b...
i haf nv had my own identity nor my own personality. it has alwaes been me followin sum1 else, adapting their character, their personality, n their actions. a mind of my own?.. NEVER! i can only live off others personality.. a parasite...

TRY?.. i haf tried, but it alwaes seem tt my own unique identity is never welcomed by any1 else... my attitude seems to displease ppl... so my only way out is to take on personalities of other ppl...

i m a failure in life.. living 14 yrs of my life wif sum1 else's personality.. i'm juz a nobody...


evry1 is special. evry1 is unique.
"u r special. u're the only 1. u're the only 1 lyk u"
all these lines are not for me... coz i'm a parasite, a freak without a mind of its own, a piece of junk to the world, a FOTOCOPY of others!
n me being AA... y shud i get the attention for displaying a personality tt is of sum1 else? it's juz ridiculous. i shud get nothing. juz throw me out of this world, coz i dun belong here...


death, juz take me along wif u...